Nighttime Memories

Lately I have been thinking so much about different styles of parenting. I wonder all the time why moms and dads can let thier children cry, deny them basic needs like food by setting up a scheduled feeding plan (i.e. conditioning a child sleep through the night prematurely), or how can moms go back to work?!

I can't imagine doing it. That being said, I know they have to - go back to work, that is. I'm just saying It would be too hard for me to be able to not only leave my daughter in someone else's care, but to also try to pull myself away from her day after day.

I love being a stay-at-home, attached, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, mommy who always answers my child's needs. One of the wonderful things about answering your baby when they cry is that they never really cry. Ava knows when she needs something, all she has to do is whine. Some may say that they don't like whining, but I dislike hearing her cry even more. And at least she trusts me enough to know that I will figure out what is wrong. Like before Mike and I go to bed, we put her in her crib for safety and do whatever we do until I go to bed. Then she spends the rest of the night with me so that Mike can get some good sleep since he works. But it's those times that she is alone in her crib that I try to give her all the comforting she needs when she needs it.

It's the little things I love about answering my daughter's cries at night. The way she immediately feels safe and puts her heavy little head on my shoulder. The comfort of her arm wrapped securely around my neck. Her tiny fingers softly caressing my hair as she drifts back to sleep forgetting whatever made her wake up and cry in the first place. Sometimes I wonder who is comforting whom.

Or there's the times when she whines for me and wants to eat. Those are some of the best moments together. When she needs me for something completely instinctual, that is when we are at our best. I love it when she drapes her arm across her face as she cuddles close to me. Sometimes all she needs is the reassurance at the breast that everything is ok. I often wonder if she had a bad dream or just needed to know I was there. Perhaps it is something I've forgotten; the need to be softly nursed back to sleep, the knowledge of someone who is pure safety holding you close and warm. Or perhaps not. Maybe that is why so many of us have problems sleeping. We miss our mommies.