I Believe the Children are Our Future

Let me preface this post by saying, I am not the perfect person. I do not profess to know all there is about parenting. But I do know a lot. I know that I love my family. I love my daughter. Being a mother is the profession I've chosen over being a Veterinarian, Nurse, Educator, or Nutritionist (for now). The reason I've laid by all my other goals for being those things is that I get do all of those, everyday, as a mom. I consider this choice to be a mother as my career. And because, in any career I would have otherwise chosen, I would strive to be the best I could possibly be, I do my research. Part of my day is spent researching ways to become a better mother. But lately I keep coming across an issue that cannot leave my mind. It is for this reason, I have to write this post.

We really dislike the word discipline around here.

Now, that doesn't mean that I don't set boundaries or limits for my child. I means that the word discipline has taken on negative connotations and most often means spanking and time-outs. I really dislike hearing people say that you must spank your child, count to three, or put them in time-out to get a child to behave.

I experienced a lot of this sort of "discipline" when I was a child. Our babysitter would paddle us whenever we were in trouble. I remember her slapping me across the face because I wasn't going to sleep one night. Instead I was lying in my sleeping bag pretending to drive a bus. She had a paddle-ball paddle, ball removed, to spank us with. And I haven't really come to terms with all of this. I fear doing to my child what she did to me. I grew up having bad self esteem and feared authority. Perhaps it's because of this trauma that I am so enraged when people confuse "discipline" for love.

If we really love our children, we will find truly loving ways of guiding them through this world without hitting or shaming or sticking them alone into a corner to think about what they've done. The way that we handle our children's problems is the way they will handle their own problems. Hit them when things go wrong and they will learn that violence is ok and that it's alright to pick on the little guy. Shame them into changing their behavior and they will learn to dislike who they are. Exchange time-outs (alone) for time-ins (time on mom's lap discussing the problem).

What I have learned (from hours upon hours of personal study) is that when a child does something wrong, there is ALWAYS something behind that behavior. Whether it's lack of sleep, hunger, pain, loneliness, boredom, inability to express themselves or anything else, it can be solved with love - no matter what.

The result of parenting in this way is a child who calms easier, is happier for longer, and is able to deal with their own feelings in a more productive way. Ava is proof that it works. Sure, we've got meltdowns (both of us). But they don't last very long and we always re-connect afterward. She knows I'm there helping her work through it. It's worth it to treat your little ones with respect. We want them to grow up and show respect to the whole world.

Our Mission Statement

My reason for everything!

After talking to my mom one night about the importance of having a missions statement, I set about making our family's. So here it is... :)

Our Family Mission Statement:

Our purpose as a family is to communicate effectively, treat each other with respect and love, and realize our goals in a way that lets us best develop our skills and talents creatively, strengthens our character, bodies, minds, and souls, and allows us to work as one in our eternal family so that we can raise and become strong, independent, thoughtful, and intelligent individuals while keeping our faith in God.

We will accomplish this by:

1.) Accepting everyone as they are, but encouraging growth and change for the better.

2.) Speaking to each other with respect and showing consideration at all times. We are courteous and kind.

3.) Encouraging each other to make right choices and supporting righteous decisions. The choices we make affect those we love. In serious matters, we act as a family unit.

4.) Valuing privacy and trust. We know that there are consequences to all of our actions and we agree to take responsibility for our choices.

5.) Living our lives to be a good example for others. We expect to be treated the way we treat others.

6.) Performing our responsibilities, callings, jobs, and careers to the best of our ability.

7.) Keeping our sights on the Temple and the Celestial Kingdom at all times in our lives.

8.) Knowing who we are - children of our Heavenly Father, and what we represent - His Church. We conduct ourselves in a way that does not tarnish the name of those. For this reason, we do not use profanity, do not take the Lord’s name in vain, and follow the Word of Wisdom and the teachings of the Prophets.

9.) Working to live debt free (except for necessary debts) and conduct our finances in a way that leaves us free from needless burden. We do not need the newest or the best of everything in order to feel fulfilled.

10.) Making plans for the future and striving to follow through with those plans to reach our goals.

11.) Encouraging young men (and women if they so choose) to go on a worthy mission and preparing financially for that eventuality.

12.) Operating from one income so that mom can stay home and manage the running and raising of our family.

13.) Trying to keep Family Home Evening as a priority on Monday nights and keeping the Sabbath Day holy.

14.) Making sure our bodies, minds, and home are clean. We act with humility and modesty.

15.) Tithing honestly and giving fast and other offerings when possible. Instead of giving money to charities, we know that the Lord knows best where to distribute our offerings and we will do so through His Church.

16.) Taking and making opportunities to serve others whenever possible. We strive to use and develop our talents and gifts to benefit others.

17.) Keeping food storage on hand, working up to maintaining and rotating a year’s worth of food for our family, and keeping our 72 hour kits stocked and nearby in case of emergency.

18.) Giving our elders, leaders, and teachers the respect and attention they deserve.

19.) Respecting our country and its leaders. We recognize that we are blessed to live in America and will obey the law and follow the rules put forth by our leaders. If we don’t agree with the law, we will take appropriate and legal actions to facilitate the change we desire.

20.) Showing pride in our family members’ accomplishments and successes and supporting them through their defeats, failures, and trials.

New In Town!

Ava playing at a rest stop.

We've been the new blood in Chester for almost two weeks now. It snowed a ton the day we were headed up here. We got a chance to stop by and see Noni and Papa (as Ava calls Grandpa now) in Idaho before heading north. We got to Chester just before a huge storm that dumped some snow. Not too bad, but we were a little worried. The next day, we tried to ready the house for the movers but, really, how much can you do in one day? The highlight of the move was when the 18 wheeler got stuck in the snow/slush and the deputy had to pull him out with his Ford. The sheriff's guys were so proud.

Our new church home!

We made it to church the next Sunday and found that the branch here has a lovely bunch of people and quite an eclectic mix. The President is like a big kid. His wife is the sweetest woman I've ever met. There are a couple of families who have welcomed us into the branch/community with open arms. They both have kids. We've gotten along smashingly. I hope they like me. Both Mike and I are eager to please and since we really want to be a part of this community, we've been worried about it more than usual. Mike's job is going well. He has a lot on his plate. It seems like every time he comes home I hear about his new "baby" at work - another project his boss has him in charge of. I think he secretly likes it! Ava and I have made it to a playgroup a couple times. I like our options for friends here. Still, I hope they like me too. :)

Conference was this last weekend and Ava loves playing "Find President Monson." :)

Bathtime fun.

Ava and Daddy watching a movie.

Netflix is the big deal in our house now. It's working well in place of cable! We're settling in to our new life quite nicely and are working out a few kinks. I'm still trying to be supermom. Thus far I'd give myself an A for effort.