"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."

"Man could not live if he were entirely impervious to sadness. Many sorrows can be endured only by being embraced, and the pleasure taken in them naturally has a somewhat melancholy character. So, melancholy is morbid only when it occupies too much place in life; but it is equally morbid for it to be wholly excluded from life. "

~Emile Durkheim

Tonight I am feeling very melancholy. I am usually very upbeat and happy but something just hit me wrong today and I havn't been feeling quite right since. I guess it's part of these hormones sorting themselves out. It could also be that It gets harder and harder to remain positive and excited everyday when it feels like my bones are breaking and my joints are fused. While I was pregnant, the relaxin hormone helped my arthritis a lot but now that's all gone and my thumb, knee, and elbows hurt almost constantly. And there's not a darn thing I can do about it.

Mike is about to lose his job. It was temporary and we knew that but we had thought by now that someone, any one of the hundreds of jobs that he's applied for would have hired him by now. But, no. He was also told that they would more-than-likely extend his position after September but it seems they lied. So at the end of this month we are looking at some really hard financial times. We may not be able to buy a house to take advantage of the first-time home buyers' stimulus. And that means that we are stuck paying someone else's mortgage.

Knowing that this may be coming we started cutting back a lot last month. Our fridge looks like a desert. Fresh fruits and veggies have been hit the hardest because they cost so much so everything in there is colorless and theres nothing alive. We finally went on a date last Saturday and it was hard to really enjoy it because I kept worrying about the money it was costing us. I feel old.

Here I am wallowing when there is a big piece of good news to share. Ava rolled from her back to tummy today. I am really proud of her because this is supposedly early. She has been rolling from tummy to back for a while now. She is also teething, something her doctor doesn't agree with me on but I know my kid. She is a really good baby and I am so lucky to have her in my life. I was made to be a mommy. I just hope I can make her happy and that her life isn't too hard. I love my baby.