The Best Three Years

A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. she can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot. ~Alan Beck

Ava Veronica, Born May 30, 2009

My little girl turned 3 yesterday. When did this happen? When did she go from toothless, gummy, cooing, infant to this beautiful, smart, helpful, sensitive, artistic, amazing little child? It happens so fast, let me tell you!

Ava at 1 year old enjoying her birthday cake

Ava at 2 years old

An artist hard at work!

And suddenly, one day, she is a person. A little bit of me and a little bit of Mike. A mini-us. She surprises us all the time with how clever she can be. Like just the other day she started reading two letter words. She draws people complete with faces, ears, hair, arms, legs, and ties sometimes! And she can manage easy math problems with a little help.

Ava and her best buddy Hammy

Ava made me a mother. From the moment that they placed that tiny (big!) baby on my chest I knew that I would do anything for her. I could handle anything that came my way, for her. I have never understood people wanting a break from ther children. I could spend the rest of my life with this person. I chose to have her and she is my gift, my greatest blessing. She is my first, always. Through her I learned how to mother. A friend of mine said that the first is a "trial by fire." I can say it no better. Ava taught me to hold my baby for she will be big too soon. Always bigger, but never too big for mama's lap. She taught me to sleep close to her, to nourish her with all that I have, to follow her cues, for she often knows better than I do what she needs. She taught me to just cry, to laugh at everything, and to enjoy the little things like buds on the trees and tiny ants crawling into their holes.

She taught me that it's ok to make mistakes!

She taught me that I am enough; enough for her, and that's all that matters.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

 Me and my mini-me :)

Happy birthday beautiful girl! I'm so glad you're mine.

Zoey Anne's Birth Story

Monday morning (Jan 23), my mom, Ava and I went in to the doctor for my 41 week appointment. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions off and on for weeks. Some days I would feel like, “today will be the day.” And then everything would stop. I had been losing bits of mucous plug for a few days. When the OB checked me and I hadn’t changed from being 3 cm and 50% effaced (baby still at -3 station) since the last Monday, I couldn’t help but feel totally discouraged. After lots of walking and doing what I thought I should be to move things along, even the slightest change would have been enough to keep me going. But at that point I lost my forward momentum and felt like we needed some help. I talked to Michele (my OB) about induction by Pitocin and, trusting her opinion, I called Mike and together he backed me up and we decided that we would try it. I was really nervous making that decision, because if anything went wrong it was all on me. I tried to get my mom to put on her medical hat and tell me what she would do but she said she needed to be “mom” now and just support whatever decision I needed to make. I realized, ultimately, it was my choice to make and I couldn’t push that onto anyone else.

Michele said we could start right away and we went over to the labor room to get started. Six hours later with the pit up to 30 mL/hr, smiling and laughing through near painless contractions that were coming every 2-3 mins and lasting for about a minute, Michele decided to let us go home since I still hadn’t changed. She thought it would be cruel to make me go for 6 more hours just to send us home at 1am or do a C-section after all that. Mike and my stepdad had come by then so we were all there just waiting. With my water still intact, though bulging, we hadn’t passed the point of no return, so she suggested I walk a bit, get a huge dinner, and get a good night’s sleep and we’d start fresh in the morning. She thought I might even go into spontaneous labor that night. We had dinner at Pizza Hut and then went home for an early night.

That night I slept great and had no noticeable contractions. After some very serious prayer I felt that getting some help from pitocin would be the right choice no matter what happened. However my baby came to me would be the right way. We got to the hospital a little after 7 am and I was ready for whatever came, peaceful and calm, ready to do my part.

At 8:43 am the nurses had me all hooked up and started the pit at 6 mL/hr. By 11:15 they had the pit up to 24 mL/hr. I was dilated to 4 cm and 75% effaced, baby still high. Contractions were still somewhat mild and coming every 3 mins and lasting for about a minute. I was getting nervous and even told my mom I was hoping for the pain to start since pain would mean progress. I started leaking a tiny bit of fluid. At noon Michelle broke my water. It was crazy! With Ava I had a high break and my water trickled out each time I went to the bathroom. I didn’t even notice. This time it was huge! I had no idea there was that much fluid! The following contractions were totally different. The pain had started. I had cramping down low in my tummy, and no back pain, thankfully. The only way to work through them was to close my eyes, grab the bedrail and moan and breathe through the pain. At 2:10, I was 5 cm. They turned the pit off.

The next few hours are a blur. I tried to labor on my hands and knees and the pain felt worse. I tried lying on my sides and it became really pinchy. The only position I felt comfortable in was on my back so I stayed there. I remember focusing on resting between contractions, going limp. I had my eyes shut for most of this time, either concentrating through contractions or resting between them. At one point I felt I didn’t have the energy to continue and asked for the epidural. The nurse went to tell the anesthesiologist and luckily he took too long getting to me and I found more strength and told the nurse to cancel it. One nurse was making us all mad and kept telling me I could still get the epidural. Mike told her to stop asking a few times. A little while later I asked for something for the pain so I could rest a little. They said Stadol would help with the pain for about an hour and I agreed to get it. They stuck it in my thigh, and I was looking forward to some relief but it did absolutely nothing!

I somehow found more strength and made it those last couple of hours. I was so HOT. I asked for a fan and that helped a lot. My mom kept wiping my forehead with a cold washcloth and that was heaven. The nurse told me to tell her when I felt like I needed to start pushing. At some point the contractions got so bad I had to clench my stomach to make them feel better and I figured that was it so I told her to go get Michele, I was ready to push. It seemed like it took forever for her to get there. She was doing a circumcision, I think. When she came and checked me I was at a 10 cm but still had an anterior lip so, still told not to push. That was excruciating and my moaning got louder. I started feeling a little panicky then. When I saw her scrubbing up and getting ready to catch the baby I found a little more strength. At one point my mom asked me if I needed anything and I said, “I need someone else to do this.” Later we all thought that was funny. Michele got settled in and said I could push at 5:30 pm. Michele insisted that the fan be turned off then so that it wouldn’t chill the baby later but I was still SO hot. So Michele got a nurse to give my mom a clipboard to fan me. I really needed that. I know she was so sore later from fanning for that long, but it really helped.

The baby was still really high. I pushed for a while feeling like it wasn’t doing any good, and it wasn’t. I couldn’t get in a rhythm and I felt like my pushes were in the wrong place. My mom said later that Michele would check after each contraction and then look at her and shake her head. Baby wasn’t moving down. Mom said she was afraid then that c-section was next. Mike suggested that instead of me trying to hold my legs that they help me hold them so I could ball up better, and at the end of that contraction I felt something different in the push. It was like a reflex took over and I felt like it had done something. The next couple of contractions, I tried to find that again and had trouble. Then, the next one, I found it again. Everyone started telling me it was good and then I was able to stick with it. I’m not sure how long that went for but soon I felt the “ring of fire” everyone talks about and I couldn’t stop the pushing reflex anymore. Michele told me not to push until I had another contraction to help me but I couldn’t stop. I felt the waves of that “reflex-thing” just take me and I felt things give way and then the baby came gushing out. I learned later that that’s when I tore. It went right along the same place where I tore with Ava, and just as bad, another 2^nd-degree.

And suddenly, she was here!

Tues. Jan. 24, 6:32 pm: Michele put Zoey on my chest and they covered her with a warm blanket. I was crying, mom was crying. All I could think was, "She's here! She's so beautiful!"  She had her eyes wide open and was looking around. Michele went for the cord with a clamp and I said something like, “No, we’re waiting right?” She said, “Oh yeah, sorry.” Then she had a nurse start watching the clock. They ended up waiting about 5 minutes before clamping. When Mike cut it I watched to see if any blood spurted out and it didn’t. I didn’t see if the cord was pulsing anymore, I was too distracted! Zoey didn’t do a big cry at first until they started rubbing her to get her crying. I think it’s a lot due to her still being connected to the placenta and getting some oxygen through that. Because of her not crying right away, her first APGAR was 7. I asked for them to call Ava and my stepdad in from the waiting room. They came in before the placenta had come. Ava seemed a little nervous since I was still having some pretty intense contractions, so I was really glad she hadn’t been there for any of my loud moaning. Within a few moments Zoey  was licking and opening her mouth. I tried to latch her on to see if she would try and she opened her mouth really wide and latched on right away. It was amazing! It even surprised the Lactation Consultant nurse who had been standing there. She was on me for about an hour while Michele stitched me up. My tailbone hurt SO bad. I had been lying on it and rolling onto it with each contraction for hours now and having to lie still to be stitched up was terrible. Mike went with Zoey to the warmer after a while and then to the nursery to do their tests. I wanted to know how much she weighed and how long she was so we could start making phone calls. Then they moved me to the recovery room and we got all settled in. Mike came back with her and told me her stats. 8 lbs 5.4 oz. and 21 inches long (as long as Ava was but a full pound lighter!). 14 and 1/4 inch head. Then we settled down to nurse again with no trouble.

Everyone was invited in to welcome Zoey.

 

Stats; weight, length, head, chest.

First cries

I still can’t believe I did it. Looking back it’s like a dream. I was in another place, another plane of existence almost, nearly out-of-body. I could hear people talking, and later my mom was telling me things that people had been saying or what was going on around me and I had registered that those things were happening but they seemed unreal. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life, but I did it. It’s so cool how a different part of you takes over, the birth-warrior. If I can do that, I can do anything. I’m so glad it’s over though. Zoey is so good. She’s the most laid back and content baby I’ve ever seen. She sleeps and nurses like a champ. Mike keeps asking if she’s ok. She’s so peaceful and already seems to be an old soul. I’m handling recovery much better this time. My whole body hurts from pushing. I have bruises on my forearms from bracing against the bedrails. And my tailbone is really sore. I feel like some nerves were messed up a bit as every now and then when going from standing to sitting I have this pounding pain in my backbone, almost like a migraine in my spine, going with my heartbeat. Every day feels better though. I lost a lot of blood somewhere along the line. My RBC count was 12.1 before I gave birth and got down to 7.4 at the lowest. That’s half of normal and I look very pale and sometimes feel pretty anemic. I lost 14 lbs of baby, placenta, fluid, blood, and whatnot. Feeling really good, though, aside from all that.

Mommy snuggles with the most precious girls in the world.

 

Footprints on my heart!

I wrote this 3 days after. Now, here it is one month later. I feel great! My tear is nearly healed. I have little to no pain most days - aside from headaches caused by too little sleep! Zoey is still a wonderful baby. She's discovered her voice lately and will shout for me, once. That's all it takes and she knows it. She's only really cried a few times and two of those were in the car. Like her sister, she doesn't like being in there for long.

I'm so excited for every new day with her and each day we learn something new about eachother. That's the wonder about newborns. There's so much to learn!

Update!

Here's Miss Ava 27 1/2 months old. She's a character and she knows it!

Our kiddo would do anything for a laugh! She's getting so big too! She wears 3T clothes and she's taller than all the kids around here who are older than her. She's a delight to be around. :)

And Ava's going to be a big sister. In case you hadn't heard, we are 22 weeks pregnant. Baby GIRL #2 is due sometime in the middle of January 2012 (EDD Jan 15).

 Here's lookin' at you kid... straight at you. Yeah, it's a little creepy to see her face from this angle, but the little sweetheart wouldn't cooperate! She's really been a mover. It really surprises me how much she's moving! The ultrasound confirlmed that she's growing just right. Nothing could make me happier than to hear that our little rainbow baby is doing just fine!

Getting homesick, mommy and Ava went to visit Poppa and Noni in Pocatello. It was an awesome time for both of us. Ava re-connected with them instantly. She had such a wonderful time! Mommy was able to relax a bit and have some special time with her mommy. we didn't want to leave but we had to get home to daddy who was working overtime. We really can't wait to get out of Chester again. Everyone is looking forward to our next trip. Come November we will be visiting Nana, Tara, Dave, and the kids in Missouri. Can't wait!

I Believe the Children are Our Future

Let me preface this post by saying, I am not the perfect person. I do not profess to know all there is about parenting. But I do know a lot. I know that I love my family. I love my daughter. Being a mother is the profession I've chosen over being a Veterinarian, Nurse, Educator, or Nutritionist (for now). The reason I've laid by all my other goals for being those things is that I get do all of those, everyday, as a mom. I consider this choice to be a mother as my career. And because, in any career I would have otherwise chosen, I would strive to be the best I could possibly be, I do my research. Part of my day is spent researching ways to become a better mother. But lately I keep coming across an issue that cannot leave my mind. It is for this reason, I have to write this post.

We really dislike the word discipline around here.

Now, that doesn't mean that I don't set boundaries or limits for my child. I means that the word discipline has taken on negative connotations and most often means spanking and time-outs. I really dislike hearing people say that you must spank your child, count to three, or put them in time-out to get a child to behave.

I experienced a lot of this sort of "discipline" when I was a child. Our babysitter would paddle us whenever we were in trouble. I remember her slapping me across the face because I wasn't going to sleep one night. Instead I was lying in my sleeping bag pretending to drive a bus. She had a paddle-ball paddle, ball removed, to spank us with. And I haven't really come to terms with all of this. I fear doing to my child what she did to me. I grew up having bad self esteem and feared authority. Perhaps it's because of this trauma that I am so enraged when people confuse "discipline" for love.

If we really love our children, we will find truly loving ways of guiding them through this world without hitting or shaming or sticking them alone into a corner to think about what they've done. The way that we handle our children's problems is the way they will handle their own problems. Hit them when things go wrong and they will learn that violence is ok and that it's alright to pick on the little guy. Shame them into changing their behavior and they will learn to dislike who they are. Exchange time-outs (alone) for time-ins (time on mom's lap discussing the problem).

What I have learned (from hours upon hours of personal study) is that when a child does something wrong, there is ALWAYS something behind that behavior. Whether it's lack of sleep, hunger, pain, loneliness, boredom, inability to express themselves or anything else, it can be solved with love - no matter what.

The result of parenting in this way is a child who calms easier, is happier for longer, and is able to deal with their own feelings in a more productive way. Ava is proof that it works. Sure, we've got meltdowns (both of us). But they don't last very long and we always re-connect afterward. She knows I'm there helping her work through it. It's worth it to treat your little ones with respect. We want them to grow up and show respect to the whole world.

Our Mission Statement

My reason for everything!

After talking to my mom one night about the importance of having a missions statement, I set about making our family's. So here it is... :)

Our Family Mission Statement:

Our purpose as a family is to communicate effectively, treat each other with respect and love, and realize our goals in a way that lets us best develop our skills and talents creatively, strengthens our character, bodies, minds, and souls, and allows us to work as one in our eternal family so that we can raise and become strong, independent, thoughtful, and intelligent individuals while keeping our faith in God.

We will accomplish this by:

1.) Accepting everyone as they are, but encouraging growth and change for the better.

2.) Speaking to each other with respect and showing consideration at all times. We are courteous and kind.

3.) Encouraging each other to make right choices and supporting righteous decisions. The choices we make affect those we love. In serious matters, we act as a family unit.

4.) Valuing privacy and trust. We know that there are consequences to all of our actions and we agree to take responsibility for our choices.

5.) Living our lives to be a good example for others. We expect to be treated the way we treat others.

6.) Performing our responsibilities, callings, jobs, and careers to the best of our ability.

7.) Keeping our sights on the Temple and the Celestial Kingdom at all times in our lives.

8.) Knowing who we are - children of our Heavenly Father, and what we represent - His Church. We conduct ourselves in a way that does not tarnish the name of those. For this reason, we do not use profanity, do not take the Lord’s name in vain, and follow the Word of Wisdom and the teachings of the Prophets.

9.) Working to live debt free (except for necessary debts) and conduct our finances in a way that leaves us free from needless burden. We do not need the newest or the best of everything in order to feel fulfilled.

10.) Making plans for the future and striving to follow through with those plans to reach our goals.

11.) Encouraging young men (and women if they so choose) to go on a worthy mission and preparing financially for that eventuality.

12.) Operating from one income so that mom can stay home and manage the running and raising of our family.

13.) Trying to keep Family Home Evening as a priority on Monday nights and keeping the Sabbath Day holy.

14.) Making sure our bodies, minds, and home are clean. We act with humility and modesty.

15.) Tithing honestly and giving fast and other offerings when possible. Instead of giving money to charities, we know that the Lord knows best where to distribute our offerings and we will do so through His Church.

16.) Taking and making opportunities to serve others whenever possible. We strive to use and develop our talents and gifts to benefit others.

17.) Keeping food storage on hand, working up to maintaining and rotating a year’s worth of food for our family, and keeping our 72 hour kits stocked and nearby in case of emergency.

18.) Giving our elders, leaders, and teachers the respect and attention they deserve.

19.) Respecting our country and its leaders. We recognize that we are blessed to live in America and will obey the law and follow the rules put forth by our leaders. If we don’t agree with the law, we will take appropriate and legal actions to facilitate the change we desire.

20.) Showing pride in our family members’ accomplishments and successes and supporting them through their defeats, failures, and trials.

New In Town!

Ava playing at a rest stop.

We've been the new blood in Chester for almost two weeks now. It snowed a ton the day we were headed up here. We got a chance to stop by and see Noni and Papa (as Ava calls Grandpa now) in Idaho before heading north. We got to Chester just before a huge storm that dumped some snow. Not too bad, but we were a little worried. The next day, we tried to ready the house for the movers but, really, how much can you do in one day? The highlight of the move was when the 18 wheeler got stuck in the snow/slush and the deputy had to pull him out with his Ford. The sheriff's guys were so proud.

Our new church home!

We made it to church the next Sunday and found that the branch here has a lovely bunch of people and quite an eclectic mix. The President is like a big kid. His wife is the sweetest woman I've ever met. There are a couple of families who have welcomed us into the branch/community with open arms. They both have kids. We've gotten along smashingly. I hope they like me. Both Mike and I are eager to please and since we really want to be a part of this community, we've been worried about it more than usual. Mike's job is going well. He has a lot on his plate. It seems like every time he comes home I hear about his new "baby" at work - another project his boss has him in charge of. I think he secretly likes it! Ava and I have made it to a playgroup a couple times. I like our options for friends here. Still, I hope they like me too. :)

Conference was this last weekend and Ava loves playing "Find President Monson." :)

Bathtime fun.

Ava and Daddy watching a movie.

Netflix is the big deal in our house now. It's working well in place of cable! We're settling in to our new life quite nicely and are working out a few kinks. I'm still trying to be supermom. Thus far I'd give myself an A for effort.

Looking Back - The Last 5 Months

Well, well, well, what have we here? I'm a procrastinator of the worst sort. Okay. I admit. I haven't felt like writing about anything for a while becasue I've been sort of wallowing in a little sadness. I thought that things weren't going so well, so it was harder and harder to come up with good things to say. As I don't want other people to hear me gripe, I just quit writing. Well, I'm done with that part of my life now. Lots of really great things happened and I know we've all grown. Now lets move on. :)

We went to Seattle to visit Noni and Grandpa, Unkie Dave and Amie in November. Christmas was very nice. New Years was good. I made zero resolutions since I obviously didn't keep with the ones I made last year. They make me nervous so I didn't make any. :) Around the end of January, we found out we were pregnant, just to find out that we were having an early miscarriage. It was hard since we have been waiting for baby #2 since Ava turned a year old. We have both come to our own terms with the loss though. we're really looking forward to the next few months since the chances are higher that we will get pregnant now. Thank you hormones!

We also found out a month ago that Mike got accepted for an awesome job in chester, Montana! He will be a Natural Resource Specialist for the Department of Reclaimation. We're so excited to move. It's been sort of sad though. We have to leave our home of the past two years. Rolla has been so great to us (aside from not offering us jobs). I have made some lifelong friends. Our family is here. It's where Ava was born. I think the hardest thing is separating Ava and her cousins. But we're still excited. It's a great opportunity to start our own lives and it's going to be the start of quite an adventure.

Ava is still doing really well. She's so smart! She is still beyond her peers in development. She is speaking in short two or three word sentences now. She's getting into everything and making huge messes. I'm glad I know it's just a part of her learning what happens when she pulls all the keys off my keyboard or dumps the crackers on the floor and then grinds them in. She's learning... it's ok. I just have to keep repeating that to myself to keep my sanity. We're working on not reacting harshly. That's the first thing you want to do is yell and get mad. That's really no way to be. I hate feeling angry or mad and it's really just a part of the process, so why get mad?

She's quite the copycat too! We've really got to watch what we say and do because she can hear a word once and repeat it. Yesterday that word was "Shut-up" thanks to her cousins. I have always hated that word. It's good that she's so cute though... it came out as "Shup bup." I can handle that. People tell me the Terrible Two's are here. I can't think of it that way! She's not terrible. She's amazing! Everything she does these days makes me laugh or shake my head in wonder.

She's tall and skinny. Well, I say skinny but she looks good. For a while I was worrying about her weight dropping but I finally decided that her body knows what is best and she's evened out now. She's stopped now around the 18th percentile for height to weight and now we're all ok with that. :)

My plans for the future are to become a better stay-at-home mom. I'm really hoping that this move, and getting into a routine like we once had when mike had a 9-5, will help me be able to cook dinners every night. I'm trying to do at least one learning activity with Ava a day. These aren't necessarily learning based but more fun things that we can do one-on-one. I feel awfully in-between these days as we don't know the exact day that the movers are coming. Since we're being moved we can't pack our own things. That's a blessing and a curse. I feel kind of in limbo. I'm hoping, now that we will be far from all our family members, to keep track of posting updates. I won't even say a goal lest I jinx myself. I just hope to be all-around more thoughtful with my life to be a better wife and mother than I feel like I have been lately. Luckily, I think my fibromyalgia/joint pain is lessening again. It got to its highest point from Oct-Dec which is also why I havn't felt like writing much. When you feel like crap, your outlook is crap and I didn't want that to come out in print. I think that voicing it when I am in pain helps though. I want my kids to know that it is ok to feel bad for a while. It's part of the process of making your way out of trials. You CAN wallow. As long as you work on making it out of the pain and then asses how you've grown it's ok. I've grown a lot from the last two years. I feel like the last two years have been our trial. Now, as we make our way to (hopefully) better times, I hope I am thankful enough and can grow from it.

My Little Smarty Girl

Two months have gone by? What?? Ok, I’ll admit it. I’m a procrastinator.

Really, it’s a disease I’ll always have to fight with, tomorrow.

At Six Flags Fright Nights (Ava did not like it)

Looking her gosh darn cutest!

Anyway, updates: Ava’s next two bottom teeth are coming in. That will make a grand total of 6 teeth and she’s 16 months old. She’ll be 17 months at the end of October. And mommy will be 27. I feel old. Yesterday she had a 1 year screening by the Parents As Teachers program. She’s still pretty nervous around her parent educator but she performed well. Mary Beth tested her on fine and gross motor skills, language, and social skills. She far succeeded her age group in everything! In her social skills and gross motor (throwing a ball overhand) she tested in the 18 to 24 months range. In fine motor she was within her age group but on the far end of it. And surprisingly, in language, she tasted at around a two year old!!! Mary Beth chalked it up to doing sign language with her, reading to her all the time, talking to her. It really makes me feel good to know that all my hard work will pay off. And Ava has always been a really smart baby. I guess that extra week and a half of development in my tummy and all the brain-boosting breast milk helped too. I just love my smarty pants.

Our little GQ and his ladies

Every day her personality shines through more and more. She’s got a funny bone like no other kid I’ve ever known. I read that second children are usually the funny ones, or the last child because they have to crack everyone up to get attention. Maybe Ava is like that because she has her cousins around all the time so she gets all kinds of attention from them when she cracks up like a little hyena every time they giggle. Her laugh is certainly contagious. She’s a stickler for routine too. She likes to have a yogurt cup every morning for breakfast while watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She has to have her bedtime routine the same way every night. And she still tells me, when it’s 7:00, it’s bedtime. Right now, Mike walked outside and she's yelling for him to come back. Not only does our house ring with my voice yelling, "Miiiike?!" Now, we hear Ava yelling, "Miiiiiiii!" I've tried to start yelling for Daddy, but she prefers to call him Mike... Oh well!


My doll face!


A few nights ago we were going through our routine, same as ever. Mike washes Ava. They play in the tub for a little bit while I get her jammies, diaper, lotion, and book all laid out. Well, I was procrastinating, of course I do it at the last minute, and suddenly I heard Mike scream. (Literally, it was a scream I never thought my manly husband could make.) I ignored it… guilty. Next he said, in a very panicky voice, “Veronica, get in here QUICK!” So I walked to the bathroom and said, “What the heck?” To which he, freaking out, yelled, “Hurry! Ava pooped in the tub!” As I started to laugh… him, “It’s not funny! Help me!”… me, “Ew, its HUGE! How could that come out of her?” The whole time, Ava was trying desperately to climb out of the tub because her daddy screamed at the poop and she had no idea where it came from. For all she knew it was dangerous stuff. We wiped off her tushy as much as possible and Mike handed her to me (she still smelled like poo). I was telling Mike, “Hurry up she stinks!” as he walked out to the kitchen. I said, “What are you doing? Hurry up! She’s scared and wants to snuggle and I CAN’T!” To which Mike yelled, “I need some gloves!” Well, sadly, for him, we used to have a box of gloves under the sink but I would use them all the time so I didn’t have to touch meat. They’ve been used up for a while now, needless to say I don’t cook as often as I did with them. I told him the gloves were gone and he huffed and puffed and then grabbed, of all things, a plastic grocery bag! Of course, when a plastic bag gets wet it sticks together but I didn’t want to deter him from getting the tub cleaned out quickly so I just let him go for it. Finally he got the poo out and I set Ava on the sink in the bathroom. I told him to hold on to her while I cleaned the tub. (Which he didn’t think we needed to do… ugh, men.) Then I cleaned it with SoftScrub, best stuff ever. Ava REALLY didn’t want to get back in the tub, she thought she was done. Mike washed her all over again and finally the crisis was behind us. The whole thing was so funny, looking back, that I had to share. I think every kid poops in the tub at least once in their first few years. This makes twice for my kid. Oy.

Talking to My Monkey

Ava's top right tooth finally popped through exactly one week ago. It's mate has yet to appear although I can feel it under her gums so... any day now. Her personality is really shining throught now. She's a ham. She cheezes for the camera. She prays. Now that's really cute. She will close her eyes as tightly as she can, clasp her little hands and then open her eyes looking very proud of herself. I'm pretty impressed that that is what she chooses to do to mimic me, given all the other embarassing things she could choose to do!

She's always got to be in the action. Not one of those "never-seen, never-heard" kids. Do those even exist? She's been perfecting saying a lot of new words and phrases. (Early? My pride says yes!) She says:

1.) Chansh Euooo! (Thank you - goes with signing is said VERY enthusiastically!)

2.) Eysh (Ice - one of her favorite things.)

3.) Yuck (Apparently it's one of the things mommy says a lot)

4.) Thuck (Stuck - which, at first sounded like "yuck" and gets said often when mommy puts her in the high chair or grocery cart seat and buckles her in. My response... "I know you're stuck... I stuck you there.")

5.) Aaaallllaaaaa (All done - goes with signing.)

6.) Ish (Fish)

7.) Oosh (Shoes - is it just me or don't all kids say it this way at first?)

8.) Kittykittykittykitty (Said really fast with no spaces... just like I typed it... but while running after Loki or carrying him like a purse down the hallway.)

9.) Waaa Daaa (Want down - pretty often!)

10.) Auwaa (Water)

11.) Mao (The kitty cat says...)

12.) Aye aye... OOOOOoooooooo (Singing along with the Spongebob themesong. About the funniest thing I've ever seen.)

Those are the only ones I can think of now. On top of that she's getting really good at signing the things she wants. Now I need to teach her the sign for "help." I'm getting really tired of the screaming, hitting, pinching, etc. when she wants me to help her with something.

Ava is almost weaned now. I hurt my back (tore a ligament off/partially off my spine) about a week and a half ago and couldn't nurse. It was too painful and I was on pain meds so I decided that making it to 14 months was really good and I guess I still haven't stopped nursing completely and hopefully won't soon. I was only in pain for a couple of days (being engorged). The back pain only lasted about a week (then my neck hurt).

Ava still gets that one nursing session of the day right at bedtime after her bath. It sets my mind at ease that it's not complete weaning. I had wanted to have her nurse until she was two, at least. She is sleeping better at least. And her eating during the day has picked up which makes me feel better as before this she had lost 3.5 lbs in a month.

Lots of going to playgroups, swimming, having friends over and general activity around here. This time in a toddler's life is all about repitition and Ava is surely doing a lot of that. We must do everything over and over and over again until she's satisfied and can move on. Climbing on chairs, couches, tables, anything she can get her leg up on is her favorite activity this week. So with all this activity going on is it any wonder why naptime is pretty close to my favorite time? My favorite has to be when she is getting sleepy and snuggles with me. No "milkies" for naps has made us closer and she loves to snuggle down to sleep now. I know when she's tired now too because she climbs onto my lap and lays her head on my chest.

My baby is now a toddler. Bittersweet.

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Wean?

It's been too long since my last post. As always, a lot has happened. Our lovely little garden is producing a little extra produce for us. The cucumbers below are tasty but grew in this awfully weird shape. Mike thought they might have crossed with a watermelon but I don't think so. They are only about the size on my hand. Our tomatoes got blown down by a big storm and are bent at the stem now but I keep pushing them back up and they keep falling back over. They are still producing tomatoes so I guess they're ok!

In Ava news... She is now 14 months old. She's been slowly losing weight lately, much to my concern. In the past 25 days she's lost 3.5 lbs and she now weighs 22 lbs. Otherwise she is happy and very healthy so I'm not worrying too much. Just keeping an eye on it.

Still just the two bottom teeth. The top ones feel really close though. We try to remember to put her teething necklace on everyday because I definitely notice a difference in her mood when she is wearing it.

We've finally come to the eventuality of weaning. It's been a tough time but the circumstances were beyond anyone's control. Two nights ago I was nursing Ava in the night and I rolled her off my arm and onto her side of the bed. When I tried to move around to get myself comfortable, I felt a sharp pain between my shoulder blades. My first thought was that Mike needed to pop my back to relieve it but as I moved around it was hurting so badly I could hardly get out of bed. Mike took off work yesterday to get me to the doctor. I was sure I had a slipped disk or something serious. It turns out I had separated (or partially separated) a ligament from my spine. It should take about a week to heal. I can't pick up Ava, get into a comfortable position to hold her, or nurse. I feel so sorry for her that she will be missing out on those last few months of nursing that I had planned on. This wasn't the way I wanted to wean. I had always hoped that we could do it slowly, letting Ava decide when. I guess God had other plans.

I am seeing the good in this situation. Since this is truly beyond my ability to control the situation I feel a lot less guilty about weaning. We are keeping the post-bath, bedtime routine nursing but that is it. Last night was Ava's first night with no "milkies." From the time she went to bed to 5 am she had no milk. Then, for who knows what reason (I can only speculate), she woke up screaming and crying to the point of choking and gagging. I decided it was too much, too fast and let her nurse that time too. It killed my back but I needed to give her that.

Tonight should be easier.

We have been enjoying our summer. Getting out with friends and spending some time in the forest has really made our summer complete. We're still crossing our fingers and praying that some of the jobs Mike has applied for recently will come through. One, in Dickinson, ND sounds promising. We'll see. Oregon, Colorado, North Dakota? I'd go anywhere if it meant we could have a secure income.

I guess this is all I can write for now. My back is seizing up as I sit here. Wish us luck for all this new junk going on. :)

May... Big Month of Firsts!

Wow, what a month... what to report first? Ava got her first tooth two days ago! The bottom right one. Nana was so excited! She's been looking for that tooth for months. It finally came through. I guess it was waiting for her to turn one.

We've been very busy lately. Ava is an on-the-go sort of kid and I try to keep up with her. Unkie Dave Ring came to visit around the middle of the month and we had a blast! We went to the zoo with him. Ava learned a few new signs there and she loved trying to figure out what all those animals were. She mostly thought they were all dogs, cats, birds, or ducks. She did learn what an elephant was and that was so cute! (See picture below!) While he was here we also had Ava's birthday party a week early. She got some awesome toys for her birthday including some clothes and a bunch of wooden food toys, which is what I had asked people to get her. Nana got her the fruit set and Mike and I found her a used lot of sushi, sandwiches, and pizza on Ebay. She loves them. Fake food was one of my favorite things to play with when I was little so I wanted to pass that on to Ava.

On May 17th, Mike and I have been married for two years!

Ava started walking on her own two weeks before she turned one! I thought she was ready to walk but she always wanted to hold my hand so I went out and got her some used push toys. A ball popper and a car that turns into a pusher. The ball popper was so exciting she forgot I wasn't there and just walked away with it! So the first time she walked on her own was April 30th. But she was holding the popper. Two weeks later she tried walking without the push toys and just took off! She's so smart!

She got her own cake on her birthday. I put whipped cream on it so she wasn't getting a ton of sugar and nasty stuff and she loved it! Her personality, careful and calculating, shined through as she ate the cake. She just played in the whipped cream until the cousins showed her how to really dig in. She's a lot like me.

We went to Six Flags for the first time this summer, Ava's second time. She liked it so much more this time - she was only a couple months old last time. Even though we were there all day from open to close, she stayed happy and we all had lots of fun. She only nursed once but we all made sure she was getting lots of food and drinks and she stayed content all day except for when she got tired. Only one nap that day though because she was so excited and there was so much to look at!

I haven't been feeling well lately. Really nauseous, headaches, cramping, nipple pain. I though I was pregnant. It was really disappointing to find out I'm not. I think with the nursing my hormones are all out of whack. Maybe I'm ovulating. I'm ready for the next baby. Ava would make a great big sister! Hopefully I feel better soon.

In sad news... Aunt Patti passed away suddenly while having a gallbladder surgery on May 13th. I am going to miss that woman more than anything. She had a heart bigger than anyone. It was really hard on Robin. I'm glad we're going to Gatlinburg on Sunday, that way we can help her get her mind off of it a little bit. Aunt Patti, you will be missed. I just wish you could have met Ava and Mike.

I can't wait to go to Gatlinburg on Sunday. I miss my family being here in the middle of nowhere. It will be so good to have 9 days with Robin and Dad.

Once again, I'll try to update more often.

April's News

Ok... so I'm a bad blogger. It's been too long since I updated. But there's a lot to report about Ava. We've been keeping really busy lately. We have met a ton of new moms many of whom share my feelings about mothering which really helps. I love having other moms like me to bounce ideas off of and it really helps to keep me feeling great about the mothering choices I make. I know it shouldn't matter what other people think and ultimately it doesn't but I love having a support group.

Here's a sweet picture of Ava asleep in the backpack. She always falls asleep in there. Mike and I were messing around in the yerd the other day and she just konked out so I set her down and put the umbrella over her to keep off the sun and she slept like that for a while.

In other news, Ava in really getting mobile now. Not walking by herself but hse loves to hold my hand and walk me around everywhere. If I forget to hold her hand and try to walk past her it really makes her upset. So I try to include her in everything I do and we've been having fun with that. She really likes to help me. She likes to sit on the counter while I cook and she comes to the bathroom with me and sits on her own little potty. We've been working on getting her used to the potty for a little while now and she seems really excited by it. Monday, I put her on the potty before her bath and she actually peed in it! I thought that was just a fluke cause she usually pees when the water for her bath is running but then this morning right when she woke up I thought she might need to go and, sure enough, she went in the potty. Then, I was in there earlier today and she tried to climb on by herself to I thought I'd try it just to see if she had to go and she did it again! She knows what to do on there now so hopefully I can figure out when she needs to go and we'll be using less diapers in no time. I spend a lot of my energy on helping us to communicate better. I always tell her what I'm going to do or what we are doing and it's making us so in synch. She points at everything and I tell her what it is. She's started brushing her hair and her teeth now. When we are doing our bedtime routine we put her in the tub and daddy always blows the washcloth off the bar where we hang it so she coppies him. It's so funny to see her look up at it and try to blow it down like daddy. Then when she's done in the tub I clean her ears. She LOVES having her ears cleaned. Her eyes roll back in her head every time. Then we put on her PJ's and she sometimes helps me by pushing her arms through. After that I comb her hair and she tries to do it herself. Too adorable. And I brush her teeth. She loves to brush her teeth. I put the little nubby thing on my finger and she grabs it and moves it back and forth to brush her teeth - still non-existant though. We read a book then she goes down so easily. We've been having a hard time after I go to bed though. She want so badly to cuddle. I'm hoping she grows out of this bad sleeping pattern. I'm just biding my time. I'm really not sleeping well but if I have to sacrifice that's ok. A friend of mine just had to wean her almost 2 year old because she wasn't gettign any sleep and I dread doing that to Ava now. Maybe if she was older...

She's turning so quickly into a little kid. She signs what she needs all the time. She comes up to me and signs "milk" or "diaper" when she needs to. She signs "drink and eat" when she wants those. She's saying "bye-bye" now all the time. Yesterday I was busy and I guess she got bored but, she crawled over to the door and started saying "bye-bye." I guess she wanted to leave. She gives kisses and hugs to people she knows well. And she learns things so quickly! I credit the mommy milk. On the 15th, she said her own name for the first time. She was sitting on the counter and she kept pointing at her picture on the cabinet and I'd say "that's Ava" and pretty soon she started to say "dat Abba!" And today she started saying "wa Abba?" when she covers her eyes because that's the game we play. She covers her eyes and I say, "where's Ava?" and she uncovers her eyes and I say, "peekaboo!" It's so sweet to see her learning and talking so much. She also says "light" although it sounds like "ite" because she's obsessed with lights. And she loves to be outside. She cries when I make her come in from playing in the front yard.

Speaking of outside, we have been planting this week. We have two smallish boxes that Mike built for raised beds. In one we've got a Japanese eggplant, three zucchini, some lemon balm, mint, and three rows of onions. In the other box I just planted rows of watermelon, basil, lavender, cucumber and carrots. Inside, I am starting some garlic to see if it will grow. We need one more box for the last few things I need to plant but then we should have a respectable garden!

This is what happened when daddy left his chocolate milk glass where Ava could reach it. We've forgiven him. :)